There are some things that usually people say to cheer you up because they don’t want to see you down. The big problem with this is:
they say big fat lies and we believe in that.
Not only do we believe in that, but also repeat these lies to others. And that’s how we become a whole generation of frustrated people because we didn’t face the irreversible truth.
One of those lies that has been bothering me recently is — I am sure you are going to get there, I believe in you. Just work hard and you’ll get here. Just be the best you can be.
Well, since when working hard is a guarantee for success? Sometimes, your good is not good enough.
AND THEN YOU FAIL.
We must admit that most of the times there is a huge chance of failure. This is the very first step so that we can accept the failure and recover from it.
It’s not a matter of saying “okay, since it is likely that I’ll fail, I won’t do it. I’ll fail anyway”. Of course not. If you don’t try it, then you won’t get there. 100% guaranteed. Yet, we must face the truth that you might not get there and it is NOT your fault. It’s just how life is. Life is unfair.
We risk raising a whole generation of frustrated people just because we’ve been telling each other: I’m sure you can get it. When inevitably they don’t, they get lost. Questioning why, or blaming others as if they deserved something just because they worked as hard as they could.
Not to mention the pressure of hearing that. “I know you can make it”. For me, it sounds more like “I know you can make it, so if you don’t, well, what did you do wrong? It’s your fault”.
Facing the possibility of failure and talk about it with kids, with friends, with relatives, with anyone who is trying to share the despair of thinking of the possibility of everything going on is showing sympathy for their feelings. Recognising their fear. Embracing the uncertainty. If we don’t think about failure, how will we deal if it really happens?
There is no space for everyone to do what they want to do. Sometimes the circumstances will make that goal turn into something that is totally unachievable.
The beauty is that there is life even when there is failure. The support people need when they are in the edge is something more like: “You know what? You can do it, but if for any reason it doesn’t happen, if you fail, we will find a plan B. I’ll still be at your side. Even if you want to try again. Or if you want to do something else”.
Let’s stop ignoring people who are afraid of failing admitting that it is a possibility and there is no shame at all to fail.
We must admit: we can fail. Successful people fail. It is very likely you’ll fail. AND IT IS COMPLETELY FINE.
Let’s think about it and make the failure the beginning of a something new. Even when we fail, we can make something nice of it if we have the real support of the ones we reach when we want to admit we fear the failure. But please, do not ignore the fear and the possibility of failing. They are real.
But we must admit: WE CAN FAIL.