A roller coaster

One of my friends perfectly described me as a roller coaster. Sometimes I am flying with joy and amusement; however, just a little later, I am drowning in deep sadness and despair. I would say he nailed it. Roller coaster is Gabi in a nutshell.

Being just 45 days before my flight, I am going through a mix of different moments. In a short time of a day, I can be very excited, thinking about where I will live, the classes I will have, the photowalks I will do, the museums I will visit, the people I will meet, the opportunities I will have, the trips I will do. Then, a sudden moment of sadness comes to my mind because of the people I will miss, the family I will leave, the comfort I will give up, the distance I will travel. Also, I get extremely concerned about the money I will spend, the uncertainties I will accept, the house I still do not have, the obstacles I will face, and the visa I am still waiting for!

rollercoaster

Or: what if. Two words that are capable of freaking me out. Totally.

No one will ever understand how I put those feelings inside me. Perhaps I am like this because I categorize them in different boxes, so they can’t ruin one another. Think about the intensity of living each of them. Nothing is perfect, and a tiny little sad thing can impact your happiness. Since I separate them in such different places inside me, I can live with them all with my strength. I am able to forget all the negativity around me in order to fully appreciate the bright side of things. But when I feel down, oh my friend, I really feel down.

And in the middle of all those boxes, I am feeling a little lost. There are so many things to deal with and I just ask for everyone around me: please, give me attention. Do not leave me alone right now. I don’t actually need to open one of those boxes to you… and I know the time we will be together will definitely be well spent. Because that is how I am, that is the support I need. I need to feel I am here, but I have somewhere to go when I need to get rid of everything around. I promise: although I might be annoying sometimes, I will be just intense.

Maybe you call me passionate. Or even exaggerated. I don’t care. I just need to keep my mind busy.

______

blackbird singing in the dead of night

take these broken wings and learn to fly

all your life

you were only waiting for this moment to arise

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One thought on “A roller coaster

  1. OMG, I am not alone! Adorei o post. Que bom saber das emoções flutuantes que acometem outros mestrandos. Estava me sentindo um pouco sozinha 🙂 mas vejo que é só a alegria e a tristeza de desbravar algo muito novo.

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